You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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