She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
