Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
