he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
