tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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