I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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