am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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