Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
