I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
