Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
