I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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