I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
