mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
