The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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