ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
