i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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