just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize