I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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