Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
