like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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