your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
