Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
