what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
