Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize