i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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