Christians are straight up FREAKS
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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