I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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