can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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