I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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