I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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