I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
