its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
