Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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