All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
