Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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