Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
