I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
