we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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