i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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