I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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