I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
