I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
