i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
