i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
