Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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