i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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