I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
