Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
