lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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