I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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