just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
