Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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