google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
