i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
