You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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