Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
