Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Still dying that you shit outside
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
