just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
