8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
