i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
