tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
