Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
