dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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