I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
