the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
