i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
