Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize