Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
