After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Bring me that man meat
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
