why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize