Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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