a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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