you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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