Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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