I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
