what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
