there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
