you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she told me i tasted like america
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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