Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
