capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
