the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
