oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
