I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Help. Why am I so naked?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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